I Got 99 Problems But My Faith Ain't One

It's weird to think about it, but just about 50 years ago, even though not everyone was a Christian or a believer, they had a fear or reverence towards God. Now in this day and age, I need to be careful who I say things around. This isn't me bashing people's lack of belief, but lack of respect. It almost reminds me of when Christians were being slain left and right and the only way they could communicate without signing a death sentence was to draw a fish in the sand. 

Even harder than that, though, is to be a teenager who is a Christian.

As if it isn't difficult enough to do the exact opposite of what our friends do because we know it's wrong, it's so difficult to just be 'yourself'. In 2 Corinthians it says that you're made new in Christ. Awesome. Go Jesus. But nowhere in 2 Cor does it tell you how hard it is to shed that skin. Impossible, no; we can do all things through Him who gives us the strength. Difficult, heck yeah. 

I went from someone who drank, smoked, did and sold drugs, had quite a past with guys and didn't really care who I hurt, to a new person in about a year. And there are times when I still fall, but for the most part I've successfully ran from my addictions into Jesus' arms.

But...

That doesn't mean it went over well with my friends. Christians are all about peace, love and acceptance, but somehow they have a bad stigma and lost a lot of friends. I am thankful for the few who gave me a chance to prove I'm the same person I was, just saved. Thankfully they're respectful of it. But I used to be popular. I was the typical popular mean girl who had a ton of friends. When I stopped being invited places and started getting ignored, it bothered me and also gave me peace. 

I was so bothered that they could be 'friends' with me and not give me a chance to explain that I wont hit them over the head with my Bible. But I was so at peace because Jesus actually warned me. John 15:18: "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first."

The point is, it's hard to be at this age. When you're 11 and under you make a new friend just about everyday. When you're 25 and older, graduated from school, you've got a life ahead of you and that kind of stuff probably doesn't matter as much. But at every age in between, it stinks! To be surrounded by your peers who do all of the things you can't just make things more tempting. 

I had a friend once who didn't take my change too well, I guess. On my Instagram I posted a picture from a Christian girl's Twitter account that said, "No Shave November? This is probably what men in the Bible looked like. I am okay with this." That friend posted a comment to me expressing how Christian twitters should not talk about that because that's lust and it's hypocritical. I did agree with him, but did let him know that being attracted to someone and lusting after someone are separated by a line. To some people the line is thinner than others but nevertheless, it's there. I also did my best to let him know that if he ever felt that way or felt that he wasn't understanding something or felt that I was being hypocritical, he could let me know and we would talk about it. (he is a believer but not a follower.) Truth be told, I would rather have a discussion, no daggers thrown, with an open minded atheist than a close minded Christian.

I am just ranting, but I was thinking about how hard it is not to betray your faith even though it's so wonderful. It's human nature I guess. We were made in God's image but I wish we lived up to that standard more, myself included. 

One thing I'll never do is deny my faith. I did once. I wasn't a Christian but I did believe in God. That denial led me to not believing in anything. After all I've been through, after the hard times I've grown through, after the times Jesus piggybacked me at my worst, I could never deny someone so beautiful. No matter who picks on me. 

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Twitter.com/jaccoban

As Canadian Professor Avril Lavigne-Stein Once Said...

There is not one thing in this entire world that is easy. Because even if it is right now, the effects of those decisions will become more and more complicated with every step.

Make sense? Probably not. And that's where I stand.

I'm scared to move forward in everything...faith, relationships, friendships, LIFE in general... because with every step things get more complicated. With every step you take you get further away from that honeymoon stage of enjoying these things and step closer to your own demise and it's like I have no vision and I can't see a point to it all.

You like someone. You don't tell them, you suffer. You do tell them, they either like you or don't. If they don't, you hurt like hell for a long time until you're strong enough to repeat the cycle. If they do like you, lucky you, you get a new man and then you get to say goodbye to everything you used to do because some say it's a blessing to be single.

You stay where you are in faith, you get bored and stop seeing a point. You keep seeking and the harder everything gets. The enemy attacks you like blood cells attack a virus. The people you love the most are manipulated to hurt you at the devils expense and then you develop a Messiah complex where you want to change the world and everything is your fault because you knew the truth and knew they needed the help.... all because you moved from your comfort zone.

But then there's me, who can't see one side of the argument without the other.

Of course bad things happen in life, but the only time lightning strikes twice is if you don't move from the spot you were hit in. 

I wish I knew how to rationalize a bit; take some chances like I tell everyone to. Maybe someday I'll be as confident and spontaneous on the inside as I am on the outside.

As there is a bright side to every situation... I'm happy I don't look like Kim Kardashian when I cry.

PS- Happy New Year!!!!! 2013 can bring it on.